New Year’s Reflection

2008 was not a bad year for me. I pushed myself to do more and and allowed myself the time to savor more of the little, everyday things than in many years past.

At end of 2007 I lost a work at home job that I spent a LOT of time and energy on. It was never a good job for me, but I believed it was my only shot at being able to work from home and make money while raising the bunnies. That loss was so depressing, but it was also inspirational. it helped me get here, where I am at the end of 2008.

I’m 10 pounds lighter than I was at this time last year. I’ve channeled my angst, boredom, and ennui into movement. The bunnies and our new beagle get to enjoy the fringe benefits of long walks with mama, and lots of opportunity to examine the natural beauty of our neighborhood (dude we are so lucky to live where we do). Not to mention, their mama isn’t bored, anxious or depressed. I ate better and started to experiment with ways I can nourish my body and my soul and still give my family the giant chunk of myself that they (rightly) need every day.

While I am an extremely creative and organized person, I have always felt like I wasn’t a person who could pursue arts or crafts as a source of income cue the voices in my head… I lack business skill, I’m not a marketer, I don’t have the discipline). But after losing that job and taking time to explore possible sources of income, I pushed myself past that. I am so proud of my little Etsy shop and the steady stream of custom knitting orders I’ve had this year. While my expectations are solidly realistic, I am thrilled that I’ve started that ball rolling, I’m excited to see where that takes me this year.

And in the vein of realistic expectations, I know my creative endeavors are not providing enough of an income stream. So, I found what feels like the perfect part time job. I pursued it full force and was thrilled to start in November. It nourishes my needs, leaves ample room to continue (nearly) full time motherhood/household management, and provides an income edge that allows us to thrive. I am very excited to see where this path leads me in 2009.

Still, although I have a lot to be thankful for this year, I am uneasy this January 1st. I am nervous. I see clearly the progress I’ve made this year. I see my family developing in beautiful ways and feel grateful to enjoy so many wonderful moments with them. But I want to preserve it. I want to continue to push myself, but I’m scared of my own laziness. I am, like many of you, deeply affected by the uncertainty of our times. Will my own bubble burst somehow in 2009?

So today I made myself take a deep breath. I have faced many scary things in my life, I know how to push past my fear and push myself. I may take it slowly, one tiny task at a time, but I land on my feet, I’m hopeful we all will. I’m looking forward to sharing the ride this year. I’ll be back tomorrow with something new. For now, take a moment to savor the good around you.

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